77 Jokes On Me

The game of hockey is believed to be a very ancient game; the Greeks, Persians, Arabs, and Roman civilizations all had their own versions of the game. The game of hockey can be identified with various other early games; one such game is hurling and shinty. It is said that during the Middle Ages, hoquet- a French stick game, was played; it is believed that the English word ‘hockey’ may be derived from it. Here we have prepared a list of hockey jokes to hit the ice with.

1. What made the short-tempered coach of the hockey team so frustrated when he opened his email? He had so many forwards.
2. Have you seen the hockey player who visited the bank? He said he wanted to give out more checks.
3. What happened on the charter flight? All the hockey players were seated according to the position they play; one of them almost froze to death on the left-wing.
4. Heard about the professional ice hockey player who switched his profession to become an accountant? He got an off-ice job.
5.  From where do hockey players get their hockey uniforms? New Jersey.
6. Do you know that hockey players love drinking tea? Their most favorite one is penal-tea.
7. Why does the hockey rink get hot after the game? All the fans left.
8. Which animal is really good at playing hockey? A score-pion.
9. What position would Luke Skywalker play if he was on the Star Wars hockey team? X-Wing.
10. Why was the hockey player arrested and taken to jail? They say he shot the puck.
11. Heard about the ghostbuster who was signed to the hockey team? He is great at blocking ghouls.
12. What hockey position did the ghost play in? He played as a ghouli.
13. How are professional hockey players paid? With a check.
14. Why do people say that carpenters can not play hockey? They always get nailed to the boards.
15. Why do hockey players avoid dressing up for Halloween? Because they have to take their face-off.
16. What was the only thing constant in the Ottawa Senators Stadium during the mid-2000s? There was always a ‘Pizza Line’ there.
17. Why was the young hockey player not able to play in the school music band? He broke his trombone.
18. What happened to the hockey player who was demanding money? They gave him a check.
19. Why are stand up comedians so good at playing forward? They are always prepared with their hockey shtick.
20. Why do they say that Canadians are better than Germans at the game of hockey? Canadian people have their ‘eh’ game while Germans bring their wurst.
21. What is the reason that the hockey NHL players never sweat during a game? Because the arenas have lots of fans.
22. When do hockey players wear formal attire? When it is a tie game!
23. What would you call the former amateur hockey players who has regrets for not playing the game professionally? Wayne Regretzky!
24. What makes the defeated hockey team and scrambled eggs similar? Both are beaten up real bad.
25. Do you know why the magician was selected as a forward in the local hockey team? The coach was impressed by his hat-tricks.
26. Why Cindrella was bad at hockey? Because she learned it from a pumpkin.
27. Why was the dog who was playing hockey put in the penalty box? He got 2 minutes for ruffing.
28. What is the similarity between a game of hockey and an airboat? Loud fans.
29. What is the reason that the ice hockey rink has curved corners? Because if they were square with an angle of 90 degrees, the ice would simply melt.
30. What is the similarity between a goldfish and an ice hockey player? The only way one can get their attention is by tapping on the glass.
31. Who was the famous sitcom character who loves hockey? It is none other than Stanley from ‘The Off-ice.’
32. How are hockey players so good at making new friends? They know how to break the ice.
33. Were you watching the hockey game last night? It was like the perfect icing on the cake.
34. Why can’t a pig play hockey? They hog the puck.
35. What did the Aussie goalie say to the puck after the game of hockey? “Catch you later, mate.”
36. Where do retired hockey players prefer working? At the bakery, as they are good at icing the cakes.
37. Do you know something funny happened last night? We were watching the fights, and a game of hockey broke out!
38. What does an Eskimo hockey player love to eat? Ice berg’ers.
39. Why was the hockey player sent to the penalty box? After numerous icings in a hockey game, he needed time to thaw out.
40. What happened when a bunch of friends decided to go to the hockey game? Everyone agreed it was too far, and they will have to put that idea on ice.
41. What happened when a hockey player cross-checked another player on the ice? One broke a tooth, but it was not acci’dental.
42. What was the coach’s reaction when it was announced that the team’s starting goalie would not be able to join the game due to a peanut allergy reaction? “That’s nuts.”
43. What do you call a dad and son duo invited over for dinner at the hockey coach’s home? It was the Father, the Son, and the goalie host.
44. Why could the shoe shop owner not find the right sized shoe for a hockey player? It was a square foot.
45. Why are sparrows good at playing ice hockey? Because they are excellent at ‘chirp’-ing.
46. Why was the ice hockey player always going to the convenience store in the middle of the game? Because he had a grocery stick.
47. What did the ice hockey player say to his wife on the phone? Take care, icy you later.
48. In an interview, the famous goalie’s wife was asked, “Why should one date a goalie”? She replied, “Because he’s a keeper.”
49. Why had they stopped the zombie hockey game? They said someone had a face-off in the corner.
50. Do you know about the hockey player who could not listen to music? Because he broke a record.
51. Do you know the secret behind the fitness of New Jersey Devils hockey players? They say it is exorcising.
52.  What is the similarity between a dentist and a hockey coach? They both use drills!
53. Why do hockey players always carry an extra pair of laces? In case they want to tie the score.
54. Why did the hockey player climb on the tree with his hockey stick? He wanted to join the Maple Leafs.
55. What happened to the Zamboni driver? The hockey rink reported he went missing; they hope he resurfaces soon.
56. Heard about the hockey player who was ice-fishing? He got run over by the Zamboni.
57. What was the zombie doing at the hockey rink? He was there to take the ride on zombieoni.
58. What’s a hockey player’s favorite Italian pasta? Zam’roni.
59. Heard about the monkey who won the Stanley Cup? They say he is a chimpion.
60. What was on the menu for the winning hockey team? Stanley Cupcakes.
61. What do the New York Rangers and the Titanic have in common? They look good until they hit the ice.
62. What do you call a rapper’s dog playing ice hockey? Scoop Dogg.
63. Have you heard old people saying that they used to watch ice hockey before it was cool? Were they basically swimming?
64. Why are known for their summer teeth; some are here, some are there.
65. What did the captain of the ship say to the hockey player who was using the rowboat? Bobby Orr.
66. Which hockey players can not be trusted? Anyone on the Devils.
67. What is the similarity between Buffalo Sabres and grizzly bears? They go into hibernation every fall.
68.  How many NHL players can jump higher than a crossbar? All of them, because a crossbar can’t jump!
69. What did the player say to his coach when he was teaching him a new playing strategy? Oh, icy!
70. What happened to the new hockey player, whose performance was not up to the mark? He got cold feet.
71. Heard about the rookie that accidentally got locked in the men’s room? He was ice-o-lated.
72. What was the hockey player’s reaction when he accidentally slipped and fell on the ice? He gave everyone the cold shoulder.
73. What were the two NHL players talking about? One of them said, “I had a great ice hockey joke, but it slipped my mind.”
74. What did the coach say to the new hockey player? I have my ice on you.
75. What did the hockey player said to his fan? Icy that you have great taste.
76. What did the Zamboni say to the hockey player? Ice to meet you.
77. What did the enforcer said to the hockey team? Just checking.